Setting, NRA Headquarters, Fairfax Virginia, a very well appointed office. Framed giclée prints of firearms line the wall. Oak desk, oddly somewhat taller than most.
Cast, Wayne LaPierre, now entering the office. Well pinned suit, hair slicked back, almost shellaced. He is followed by a young woman in a standard business pantsuit, in an Advantage camouflage pattern, carrying a number of documents and newspapers that she then places on the desk. WLP picks up the New York End Tmes.Wayne LaPierre: absent-mindedly"Thank you, Miss HotLoad."
Miss HotLoad: quietly, exasperated"For the goddammed last time, my name is Conner."normal tone"Of course sir."
WLP: "Anything important in the world this morning, babe?"
Miss Conner: again, quietly, exasperated"I should have listened to my mother."a normal, but somewhat nervous tone, as if she knows exactly what will happen next"Well, there's been a school shooting, about 130 kids dead."
Miss Conner has worked with Mr. Lapierre long enough to catch the momentary break in his facade, the hint of a grin, and turns away as Mr. Lapierre ducks below the desk. She hears a low moan, and 7 seconds later Mr. Lapierre re-appears.
WLP: almost giggling"Ok, Miss HotLoad. I'll need the PR people. Standard drill, no official response from us for a few days, anyone who says anything is politicizing a tragedy, the kids should have had guns, and so on."
MC: now genuinely nervous, and a hint of disgust"Mr. LaPierre, it wasn't in the US, Peshawar Pakistan."
WLP: the facade has dropped in its entirety, ear to ear grin"So not christian, or white?"
Mr. LaPierre drops below the desk, moaning, the sound of a head bouncing off the bottom of a desk drawer. Miss Conner turns her back on the desk, throws up a little in her mouth, tries to distract herself - who do the Packers play, who the hell makes camouflage pantsuits, and who chooses them for a uniform, why didn't I listen to my mother. Mr. Lapierre pulls himself up above the desk in 33 seconds.
WLP: casual"Hrmmff. Miss HotLoad, cancel the drill. That will be all. And, you know, thanks."
What? I suspect I'm right, or at least close.